Red Shoulder Hawk

Red Shoulder Hawk

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Showing Up and Saying Yes

When really tough things happen and hard choices must be made, my Silver Lining Powers run up to full power. I hear the Word of God and choose to act on what is revealed.

Last time we were in a tough spot about shelter, there was very little awareness in the world about "going green." Transition Towns were still in the future. Urban Permaculture didn't exist. The chance to buy this house came up and I heard the Call to buy it.

I was in great fear, for it was a big loan. The house needed work. My family perceived that the timing was bad, with Xena in her final quarter for her degree and both kids trying to wrap up a school year.

I showed up to the challenge of buying the house and said "Yes." I felt the fear and did it anyway.

What I did not do was take the time to hear what my family was saying. Well, I heard them, but I ignored them, for the most part. I was on a Holy Mission to buy the house because It's For Your Own Good.

So in great clumsiness and with minimal regard for my family I plunged forward. I wrote all those experiences in this blog. Against the backdrop of finding housemates, paying a big mortgage and building a gray water system I learned the terrible costs I was asking my family to pay; Xena had to go to school an extra year after dropping a class that then wasn't offered until three quarters later, for example.

I have seen the tremendous benefits that living here in community have given my family and me. From common meals to other kids to play with or be annoyed by, from co-parenting to playing music together, from shared vacations to help with homework living here has been incredibly enriching.

But it is also true that I shoved it down their throats.

With my Silver Lining Powers.

Now, in the beginning stages of short-selling the house, I have a real opportunity to make amends. This time I hear God's Call and it is to Listen. I am listening to my wife's fears. I am listening to my son's anger. I am feeling how their emotions affect me.

Then I ask questions to learn what the greatest good they can imagine would be for them. Right now it is all about having choices and not being railroaded. So even as I feel transformative power take hold of me I make absolutely sure that I am honoring their place in the journey as well.

This time, in our search for shelter and security, I am aiming for us all to get what we want.

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