Red Shoulder Hawk

Red Shoulder Hawk

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Lupus? ...Lupus?

"Oh, my, Bob, your anterior is entirely compressed," my chiropractor tells me last week. I've got a rash across my forehead and cheeks, and my eyes are watery and gummy and are super sensitive to sunlight. She gave me one of her two best adjustments ever. After, she said, "Wow, it's like you're wearing a different face."

I just looked it up, and the butterfly rash and light sensitivity are two of the symptoms for... Lupus. Do I have Lupus? I'd be an atypical case. What if I do? It's literally an attack on the body by the body. Like MS, it strikes people who are not being honest about their willingness to be part of the world. Truly, we all like to check out sometimes, and whether it's alcoholism or an auto-immune disease, merely treating the symptoms isn't the answer. The answer is to get to the root of the perceptions regarding why the world is too much so that the individual's solution is to come down with an untreatable disease.

It's been nearly a year since my friend Denise killed herself. That's a take-charge sort of way to check out. Not at all like contracting an auto-immune disease, which is far more cowardly.

I will get it checked at my next doctor's visit, but honestly, whether I have it or not, the symptomatic treatment for Lupus is all those things I do, or want to do more, anyway: exercise till I sweat, meditate, do yoga postures, eat a toxin-free diet, limit my exposure to industrial compounds...

Over the last 14 years, I've been on a wonderful arc of self-discovery. My heart center opened a few years ago, and my throat center is opening, and I can feel the energy stalling at the third eye/medulla. So I'm not very concerned about this rash. I've been sort of expecting some type of external expression of what's going on, energetically, within me. Symptoms of the disease aren't the disease. My future is opaque to me, and also very immediate: since I can't "see" and yet want to see, my poor eyes are really taking a beating. That the discovery process continues seems evident. I am confident that I'll soon see the root of why I struggle to be part of the world.

In any case, the same prayer works no matter what: God, Father and Creator, I trust you, I know you will grant me strength, I am ready to do whatever it is You put in front of me to do. Amen.


  1. I sincerely hope that you do not have lupus. I have kind of been diagnosed with lupus. I had to get a biopsy on my face. My face is bright red and scaly and it feels like it's being burnt and people, ie 10 year olds, pointed at me and laughed. Isn't that so nice? :p

    I know I'll pray for you. I wouldn't wish lupus on anyone.

  2. "Kind of been diagnosed" is a good way to describe it. The diagnosis is very difficult until the disease has progressed to encompass all sorts of symptoms. There are other causes for the symptoms we are showing, so we needn't leap to the worst yet.

    I'm sorry people can be cruel. I wouldn't wish any kinf of suffering on anyone, but we seem quite able to draw it to ourselves, don't we? Pope John Paul II showed how to suffer with dignity. I had a neighbor who always made the least good choice whenever she could, and she would cry out, "Why is it that everywhere I go, everything turns to hell?"

    Tink, my prayer for you is that God hold you and keep you secure in His boundless love. I also pray that it is His will that you discover what's going on and find the best solution for yourself.