We have a new throne room!
For less than $20 worth of parts (and less than two hours of my time)!
After Jac the woman plumber told me I had a "P" trap in my sewer line, I became very downhearted. It's a dumb thing the previous handyman/owner did, to avoid cutting through the foundaation's footing. The right solution is to cut into the foundation, locate the line, and plumb it right. I needed a faster, cheaper solution. I checked the toilet's action when it wasn't mounted, and it flushed just fine. Reasoning that the problem was there wasn't enough pressure to force material through both the toilet's siphon and the trap, I lifted the toilet about 18" up, with a small section of 4" ABS. A couple of sections of all-thread anchor the toilet to the bolts in the floor.
And it works!
Over the course of getting to here, I've found out some things about Xena's preferences. Primarily: she'd like to have a composting toilet (from Envirolet or one of the others) as long as she could also have a bidet. That sounds rather interesting to me. It suggests that just because you're collecting organic matter doesn't mean you're uncouth.
So I'm saving up for a composting toilet. Or rather, I've added it to the list of things I want to have in my home of the future.