Red Shoulder Hawk

Red Shoulder Hawk

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Oh, grow up.

Saturday, I was still waking up, I was helping Xena get her day started, and I was helping clean the yard. Timesplitting. Not my favorite thing. George stopped me at the top of the stairs as I was on an errand for Xena and said, "Hey, Bob, we should probably work on the yard as a team, don't you think that would be good?"

Instantly, an angry power sheared up the core of my being like a wolverine tearing at a rotted tree stump. I spat some words at him, closed the door in his face and went back and sat on the corner of my bed, shaking.

What got me going like that?

I breathed several times, and pretty soon was examining my heart-- that rush of energy had been so palpable! Had it been during meditation, had it been a positive flow, it probably would have transported me right off this plane of existence.

I spent the time I needed to get nice and ready to work, and helped, working alongside George and one of my other roommates, the whole time marvelling at this beast within. Such power! So much drive and energy! If only it hadn't wanted so badly to rip his throat out and spill his blood! Can it be turned to good?

I'd been sort of ambivalent about whether I was going to fence George in, cut him loose, or learn to be in relationship with him. After this, after experiencing how powerful some part of me is when confronted by him, I'm choosing to learn how to be in relationship with him.

Should be fun.

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