Red Shoulder Hawk

Red Shoulder Hawk

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

She'd rather eat him than mate with him

My "pet" garden spider, who lived in the sliding glass door track all Autumn, died sometime around January 6th. I miss her... a little. As you know if you've been reading these posts the last months, she gave me the jibblies, although I deeply appreciated the great job she did eating true pest insects.

She never made an egg sac.

After Thanksgiving, I noticed she'd caught a garden spider, and I snapped this picture of her waiting to eat it (as well as these other two vultures, lurking, patiently waiting for her to make a mistake). Had she caught the future father of her offspring before or after making baby spiders? I didn't know. Two months later, with no egg sac anywhere and she herself disappeared, I suppose he didn't manage to pass along baby spider seeds.

I'm sitting here blogging instead of working, caught up in eating my own future instead of letting abundance come and fertilize me. I've got a couple thousand in invoices outstanding, but I just can't seem to find the drive to work until after that money comes in. Each day the mailbox has bills instead of these checks, I somehow have to find the discipline to keep new work coming in, and current work going out.

And honestly, I'm managing. It's just that I want to make an egg sac, and I don't see that I have the resources to do so.

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