Unsustainable

How do I get here? Look at all those phone messages! These are from people I'm working with, or who want me to work with them.

The past has caught up to me and is shaking me like a rabbit in its teeth-- and the future calls like a train pulling out of the station. We just paid $44 in overdraft fees because I didn't know Xena was going to put a $250 business expense on our personal account. Now I'm $700 overdrawn, and I have just one $300 invoice outstanding. On the other hand, I have several people clamoring for me to commit to working on their projects. The dead past is sucking at me, and the strenuous future pulls at me.

I've got a small number of jobs right now, and I am treating most of my clients really well. I have one who deserves far better, and one who I just can't seem to match pacing with. Somehow, I must settle the work I do into a smaller time volume, so I can take on some of what is coming my way and process it faster so I can make money faster.

I have to get more efficient. For me, that means spending less time shaming myself about what I'm not doing. Plus, I deserve a better celebration about what I do get done.

I hate this inverted place: sucked dry by the past and too frail to take on the future. I deserve better. I am called to dwell in lush abundance. Somehow I'll wake up to making that happen.