Red Shoulder Hawk

Red Shoulder Hawk

Monday, October 24, 2005


Have I gone mad?

If I know I'm crazy, does that mean I'm really sane?

Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. Well, about the only thing I'm doing the same every day is inhaling and exhaling, getting up in the morning and going to bed at night, and so far each day's results feel spectacularly similar...

I feel as though I've broken down to my basic components. I'm raw. I'm fully exposed. I look around at the pieces I've used to make "me," from the spindly connectors to the cold-gas attitude jets, lying in heaps across the salt flat of rock bottom. What parts do I want to incorporate in the new me? What order do I want them? What is missing, what did I never have, what do I need to find? What can I grow here?

I don't want to be as fragile as I was, but I do want to be as open. I don't want to build such a strong base that I cannot move, but my foundation must be strong enough to support the heights I wish to reach. There was too much compensation for poor planning in the most recent version of "me." Can I use the body, the heart, the intellect, the knowledge, the experiences that I carry today, and assemble a man who is better able to take on the task of living into my passions?

A better Lover of God?
A better Husband?
A better Father?
A better Catalyst?
A better Friend?

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