Red Shoulder Hawk

Red Shoulder Hawk

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Dateline: The salt flats of my soul

I'm here.

As much as I hold the koan that you never arrive at your destination, that Life is a journey to be explored, not a puzzle to be solved, I have to say: I'm here.

I've passed through the dark night of my soul. I stand here, in this new awareness, and know who I am at my core.

What I clearly don't know is who I am as I relate to the world. In this blog, I've written about babysteps my family and I have taken, away from affluenza, by asking for help, by purchasing a rebuilt dryer from a local merchant, purchasing a second-hand electric car, and by shifting our celebrations away from gift giving and towards time spent with friends.

I've written of my eventual goal of dwelling in a "living" interpretive center, showcasing how we can have a high quality of life through super-efficient resource management. Recently, I'm writing about the results of my convinction to not become part of Sprawl, by trying to buy more house than I can afford within the existing infrastructure of a 100-year-old built environment. This house could easily become that interpretive center. And I have a couple of days until the critical moment on that plan.

I still cherish all these ideas, while sitting here among the shards of who I used to be. I'm amazed to find myself "at choice" about which pieces to use in my new construction. Meeting deadlines, for example: the existing part never worked very well. It required immense effort and support from other parts. I need a new way of thinking about meeting deadlines, and I believe I have one. My clients need me to finish my portion of a project; then they can continue their journey. Even if the deadline is entirely arbitrary, it has mass just because we both voice it. So, here's my first new piece that I can use as I build the new me:

Meeting a deadline is laying a holy steppingstone.

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