I got my latest copy of Daily Act's magazine ripples. I know Trathen and the crew, and I am so inspired by them and what they accomplish... but instead of feeling inspired this time, I felt crushed. On page 9, a pull quote: "Why not commit to thriving where you're at?" Dude, that's exactly what I'm trying to do. And some days, the journey is just overwhelming. I wrote a quick note to Tra. His reply, in part, read:
Definitely keep up the faith and the luving tenacity. I think key to the endurance needed is developing REALLY strong practices of self-care. Especially when you are giving so much without the necessary support. Sending luv, and supportive intent to you. Rest my friend, and do not forget how vital and amazing the work and living you are doing is.
Really strong practices of self-care. I hear you, Tra.
Self care is the soil and water. God breathes on me-- air to nourish me. Loving people in my life cast their light on me. But without good, rich soil and plenty of water, I wither. Being in love is nourishing; do you notice that you can survive on much less sleep and food when you're in love? But it burns you up, and what about when your love is not reciprocated? Better have some deep soil then!
I'm working with Kris Tann to correct my nourishment practices. We've identified that home cooking is a big deal for me. It's part of the soil and water that sustains me. I really stepped up my home cooking earlier in this journey from affluenza to sustainability, in 2005. There are several posts about meals I cooked as I discovered whole grains and chick peas and greens.
What happened next? Well, after years of people whining about the meals ("I don't eat beans!" "I don't eat fish!" "I'm allergic to eggs!" "Why can't you cook normal food!") I wore out. And I'm suffering for that.
So now I'm working to get back into the pattern and habit. Last night, for example, I stir-fried up some greens and squash, paired with some pizza/flat bread. It was nice to have Xena help by grating the cheese. I actually got compliments on the stir-fry! Jori started it, but then Xena chimed in. Nicholas allowed that he was able to choke it down, but Mr. Grumpypants is 14 so I can't grant much weight to his input. He ate it, didn't he?
There I am: a bit of soil to root in. I cooked a meal, had company while preparing it, ate it with other people appreciating it, and got permission to clean up in the morning. Which I did, today.
A bit of yoga this morning, a bit of exercise, and a bit of super-deep relaxation, and I am feeling more anchored and secure than I have in a very long time.