Friday, November 09, 2007
Is a shared "battlefield" experience the best way to build intimacy? I wanted a stronger, more intimate relationship with God, and so I took on the biggest project I could imagine. I know how to build intimacy through intense, shared experience: Ever since he dragged my ass out of the line of fire, I'd do anything for the Sarge. Not likely to encounter God on the battlefield, I waded into the mire that was my out-of-control, environmentally abusive, family-destroying life.
God has obliged, with many many stressful, harrowing experiences for me to share with Him. Isn't He good to us? I feel so much closer to Him.
I do feel closer to Him. I drive my bumper car around at breakneck speed, crashing into people and situations so I have urgency and even terror to my meditations. I am afraid of not living in a field of bumper cars, because I do not want to grow apart again, even while tiring of the constantly elevated cortisol in my brain. Where's the assumption that keeps me cornered?
Ah: my life as a bumper car.
Can I climb out? Can I release this? Can I foster intimacy through tenderness instead of crashing?