On the way to an anxiety attack, some wiser portion of me mused, "It's interesting that the intensity of this feels so similar to the intensity of profound joy."
A sudden flash in my mind's eye, of the Philosopher's Stone overlaying my heart, prompted me to see myself as the vehicle of transmutation, capable of turning lead into gold, or anxiety into joy. The power of the feeling is, quite frankly, the same. The rush of self-made chemicals into the blood are certainly similar.
Can I channel the energy of anxiety, use this force, and harmonize with the events in my day? Can I feel this energy coming into me as joy?
I feel the energy, in my heart, changing as I seek to weld my will to what IS. I burn away my fears and false expectations, and to come to a deep acceptance of the arc of my life. I notice the energy is simply energy, and the feeling of it as pain or pleasure is my choice.
I'm dancing in the river of Life, trying to accomplish an incredibly hard task, and I get to choose that this is fun. That's pretty sweet.
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