The Seer

Paying nearly $20 in late fees for DVD rentals was 10 minutes in my future when the robust woman dressed in gold veered out of the crosswalk and oriented on me in my little yellow one-seater car. I stopped short, she stopped right in front of me and put her finger under her blouse and aimed it at me like a gun. Her mouth and nose were hidden by a furry black scarf, but I could see smile crinkles around her eyes.

"Why do you have no room for your girlfriend?" She asked. She came around to the side and peered down at me. The scarf slipped, a playfull full lipped mouth showed for a moment before she pulled the scarf back. "What kind of car is this? I have never seen such before. Are there many yet? I see you have no girlfriend. You do not be fearful of me, I am a gay woman. I don't often stop people, but I can see your turmoil. Here is my card. I can see for you, tell you what to do to get out of turmoil."

I can't get a word in edgewise. I look at the card. She's a fortune teller.

"I am from Brazil. I am here for a little while now. I see for many people. I will tell you where to find your girlfriend, you will be happy. Oh! Are you gay?"

Into the infinitesmal pause I squeek, "No, I'm--" and the word married is completely eclipsed as she starts up again.

"Okay then, we find good girlfriend for you." And she turned and walked back into the night.

The fortune teller was right about one thing: I am in turmoil! But a girlfriend would certainly increase the craziness in my life, rather than reduce it. I bet Xena will be pissed if this crazy fortune teller lady manifests a girlfriend for me. So I paid all the late fees on my wife's membership at the video store, and if that's not part of the many splendors of love, then I still don't know anything.