Red Shoulder Hawk

Red Shoulder Hawk

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Reacquainted with "now."

As a boy, it was always "now." Suddenly, a term paper or science project would be due. Or it would be a beautiful afternoon, time to ride bikes down to the marshy, boggy wetlands and investigate the curious critters living there, riding home muddy shoed at sunset.

Now used to last forever.

Was it when I pined for my first girlfriend, that "now" became "later?" "Oh," I told myself, "I'll really start living when I have a girlfriend." Or maybe it was during college, with the bucketloads of delayed gratification that endeavor entailed? Or maybe it was when I had to budget for new mouths to feed, as father to a new family?

When did I start waiting to live?

Was it when my friends began to reap the rewards of their hard work and planning? Was it when I lost my first job? "Oh, things will get better after I get another job." I loathe "things will get better." Things are what they are right now! I'm alive, right now! My children serve up gems of perception, bestow baskets of affection, right now! They are growing up so fast, is there still time to enjoy them? Is there still time to help with homework, to bake cookies on a chilly night, to gorge on spaghetti after skiing and snowboarding all day?

When did Now get so slim?

What am I waiting for?

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