You have always cared for me, and my family. When Xena wanted to leave Orange County, You got me a job on my first interview in San Francisco, and a place to live until my family could move up and we could be together. Then the front duplex got rented to drug dealers, and You helped us move out. And when rents go up, somehow the money is there to cover the increase.
Thank you for putting Nika in my life. Your words through her, grow me like I haven't grown before. I see my attitude about renting diminishes me, and constrains my relationship with you. Thank you for teaching me that renters are part of the community, too. We're not half-citizens. I am a full participant in my local community, and owning this house wouldn't make that any more true.
I am freakin' scared. Even though I have direct evidence of how much you love me, care for me, love my family and care for us, this thing of having my shelter be at the mercy of another person is wearing me out. I want you to know, that although I have no idea what is coming next or how it will look once it arrives, I trust you.
God, I trust you. You've never, ever let me down.
I have let me down, I have forgotten You were with me, but as soon as I lift my eyes, You are there.
So this time, God, in this transition, I want to try something new. I am going to remember that You are with me at every moment in this. I have no idea how I can buy a house that is twice what I can afford, I have no idea how to stay a member of this community if I don't, I have no idea how to proceed with the Home of the Future sustainability project at this moment in time.
All I have at this moment, is my trust in You. My ideas are too small, compared to what You can accomplish. I choose to believe in Your plan for my life. I choose You.